I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
