dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
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I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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