I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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