Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
