i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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