Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
