I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
