just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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