I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
