oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
