he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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