I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
