that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
