hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize