Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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