you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
