its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
