look no pants
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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