He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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