Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
As shirtless as possible
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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