so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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