All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My pussy is not your playground.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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