i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
