I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
