Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The beer is more important than you right now.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
