Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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