I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
