3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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