he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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