Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
