Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
