it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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