They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
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It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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