okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
