How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
