The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
