its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
