He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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