I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
