My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
