I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
