When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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