I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
