my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
