if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
