i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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