know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
