I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
