I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
