every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
