remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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