He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
