Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
