im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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