That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
