Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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