If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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