is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
