I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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