What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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