I cannot find my penis.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
