Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
