I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
