The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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