so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
