We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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