So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
