It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
