i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
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I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
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Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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