I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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