I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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