Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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