So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
