had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
