wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
