We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
