Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
