Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
