I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
