Umm I'm too high to move.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
