hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
